12.26.02 - 4:01 p.m.

I just flew in from shoveling my driveway and boy, are my arms tired. Plus, we don't have a new toilet. I knew I spoke too soon on that one, but I really believed that, as dense as our landlord is, he would understand the fundamental need for a conductor of human waste. And in mere hours, the fam is rolling into town. Hi, family. I know you want to tinkle but you'll have to throw your TP in that little plastic bag over there. Oh, and no number twos, please. You'll have to go to the Radisson to conduct that piece of business.

Oh, I can hear my father already. No wonder I have a headache.

And no one is at work. I could have left all these voicemails from home - no one is going to return the calls today. Both editors I need to speak with are taking the day off; Joy went home sick; I finished my revisions on Tuesday. Why am I here?

So I can pretend that health experts/insurance people will call me back and so I can read a Vanity Fair from two months ago. That is why.

Oh, but Christmas - it was rather good, all things considered. Dan's family is so Norman Rockwell that sometimes it borders on parody, but that's what I love about them. You would never catch my family bathed in the light of a miniature Dickens village as we listen to Garrison Keillor's Christmas readings, but then again, we find our tradition of watching "Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean" just as meaningful. To each his own.

Yet in some ways, Dan's family knows me better than my own. No presents existed just to fill space under the tree, no random stationery or bath and body sets were bought for the sake of having another box to unwrap, which is how I feel about J-town Christmas sometimes. Everything they gave each other (and me) was well-thought-out and conveyed a real knowledge and spirit of the receiver. I felt very grateful to be included and unworthy of being so at the same time.

And I really missed my moom.

But some things were the same. There was a rotund, ornery black-and-white cat with his own Christmas stocking filled with catnip. He chewed bows and climbed in boxes and made an adorable ass of himself under the tree. There was a partial viewing of The Nightmare Before Christmas (on HBO, but still, it's OK).

Can I win the lottery now? Please?