12.05.00 - 5:25pm

I suck.

It's time for another non-nutritious dinner (quesadilla? I seem to only have cheese, apples and beer left in the fridge) and the E News Daily comes on in 5 minutes. Plus my room smells like dead plant, I can't breathe through my nose and I have a terrible like for Balduin the alcoholic.

I can't help it if he looks like Howie Day!

How long can I play with him before I have to give in? The PDAs are bad. The kissing is very very bad. Seeing his striped CK boxer briefs were good and bad at the same time. Can I just call him? NO! He is an old drunk!!!!

He could take me to California, he could take me wonderful places and snuggle with me and make me laugh. But he won't. He is an idiot and I am a fool to even have a stupid crush that only makes me look dumb in front of everyone else in the program.

I do not want to go home. I do not want to sit there in damn Johnstown not spending money that I don't have and thinking about how bored and depressed and guilty I am. I need a million dollars. I need Carson Daly's job. I need to pack to go home.

Maybe Balduin wants to come to Nevin's tonight.