04.30.01 - 7:53 a.m.

Waking up to the second version of "Babylon," the happier version, I suppose. I've literally been awake since five, but I'm only starting to feel like a person again. Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays.

Went to see Traffic again last night with my stupid wonderful perfect dumb-ass fucking boyfriend who is probably moving to Minneapolis and breaking my heart. Ahem. I'm sorry, but that is a great movie. Just as good the second time around, but I'm not sure if it's a watch a million times kind of flick. Like Schindler's List. Yes, it was moving and all that, but who comes home from a hard day of work and thinks, "hmmm, think I'll pop in Schindler's List, I feel like a good Holocaust movie tonight"?

Yeah. So. Jason might be moving back to Minneapolis. And soon, in maybe a week or so. It's for his job, not because I drove him away or anything, but obviously I'm distraught. The reason I was up at five was to drive him to the airport, where he's going to San Francisco to talk with the Pottery Barn people. It's so selfish to want him to stay, but I'm just so unprepared for this. We haven't been together long enough for the big life move conversation. I�m tired. I don�t know what decision to make or what else to believe, I feel like I�ve been punished for some invisible sin, bringing him into my life like a comet and then having him stolen away, to make me see what I could have if I was only worthy or better. Rather self-pitying, don't you agree? But I'm JUST NOT READY FOR THIS.

Ironically, that dog.'s song "Minneapolis" was always one of my favorites.