11.07.01 - 3:37 p.m.

Whew. It's not as bad as I feared. Getting my bank statement from the ATM (not the ATM machine, or the ninjas will get me) was like receiving unexpectedly good test results or having the bell ring before it's your turn for humiliation in gym class. You've been spared this time.

So it's a few thousand more than I thought it would be, so that gives me at least two months before I seriously have to think about selling the car and begging for money. Or at least two months to get a job, which in that time span might actually happen. Sometimes I feel like I've lost all my writing ability, all my motivation and have become nothing more than this cynical blob, a depressed housewife before my time. All I do is loaf around the apartment, washing the dishes and waiting for the phone to ring.

Not true. I also stress myself out unduly, play some Tetris and hang a few new pictures every day. Today I finally put the big Audrey poster up and relocated the Statue of Liberty photo to above the television. Hope Kerry and Justine aren't too upset with the change - I don't want them to feel like I've completely horned in on their decorating territory, although it wasn't much to begin with. But it's still in a prominent spot, and honestly, IT LOOKS BETTER.

But my allergies are still insane so I'm continually sneezing up phlegm and looking nauseated or constipated or worse, but it's only my nose, and I have to go to this stupid Medill alum thing tonight. Why did I say I would? WHY? To network, silly, which I won't do, I'll just huddle in a corner until I am forced to move to another, hiding at the hors d'oeuvres banquette and making multiple trips to the bathroom. Is it any wonder I have trouble coming up with references for my resume? It just seems so self-promoting and...slutty. Which again, is why I don't have a job yet. I just can't sell myself.

I don't even know what to wear. Is a suit too much? I SERIOUSLY need a black blouse. But I won't, because I'm not spending for a while, so a black turtleneck and grey pants will have to do. At least I can dress myself.

And can I just say I love my boyfriend? I really, really, uncynically do.