01.27.03 - 6:15 p.m.

It must be an Osbournes-themed dream week. Last night my brain came up with this spiffy little plot:

Kelly Osbourne decided she wanted to go to college after all, and what better college than my sister's tiny liberal arts school in central PA? But since Kelly made this decision on a whim, there was no housing available. So the college bigwigs kicked my sister out of her spacious room and put Kelly there instead. Thus, Bassie retaliated by making Kelly's life a living hell, sneaking into her room and trashing it and doing various other evil things that were all captured by MTV cameras.

The only reason this would not be true is because Bassie is in Scotland right now. But for all I know, Kelly could be subletting her apartment for the semester. Lord knows the rent money would be nice. Hee! I can see it now - Kelly and Metal Leg Mandy sharing the house, Kelly having to go down into the scary pee-smell basement to change a fuse, Kelly having to live without cable, and sometimes, heat. She wouldn't last a day.

The best parts about the Osbournes Super Bowl commercial were Kelly and Jack's orange-mouth smiles. Though technically they were lemon-mouth smiles because they're shilling Pepsi Twist, it doesn't matter. Who doesn't like a citrus smile?