03.30.01 - 986030061

"Feeling by yourself is worse than feeling all alone," Big Drill Car says. Forgive me if I must laugh bitterly. Feeling all alone is possibly the worst thing in the world.

I was doing all right by myself, I was making it ok on my own. And now I'm back to square one, all stupid and sad and paranoid just because some BOY won't call me fucking back. What the hell is wrong with me? Just because I imagine I share some fucking connection with someone.

Ooops. I know what it was. I went on vacation again. I should know better than to go on fucking vacation when I've been dating someone. So what? Can I never leave the city again? Can I get my copy of Microserfs back? I hate this uncomfortable, out of control feeling. I hate being left like a possessive, humiliated little girl. And it's ruining all my happiness for the day.

I got the position of design director! And we chose the magazine concept I wanted! I virtually get to design my own magazine and all I want to do is tell him about it and fall asleep with him tonight. And I'm afraid he doesn't like me anymore.

And I want to get my taxes done, but that's another headache. I hate this diary, it feels like I'm exposing my humiliations in public. Just what I need. I'm going to sappily quote BFF and go to bed.

...You have made me smile again, in fact, I might be sore from it - it's been a while....