10.05.00 - 8:30 pm

OK, so I'm not writing about the "cool people" right now. My love for my seestor is much more pressing. Oh Bassie, I know exactly how you feel. Not because I went to college or anything, although I think that's where you really start to feel the things like loneliness and overwhelmingness that follow you for the rest of your life. You've just always seemed smarter and more detached than me. It doesn't get any better - I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom, there are still people I still love and miss so much that I'm crying right now even if it's been 2 years. I just want you to be happy and all right (like supergrass!), and not to let other people's problems get you down and distract you from what you need to do. I can't even think of how to describe it in less than abstract terms.

Perspective gets really skewed - right now Phil is on IM and his name on my screen is the only thing I can really concentrate on. But I won't IM him, I refuse to be the one to ask, to reach out one more time. So I'll sit here in silence and be sad, but once he's offline again he's out of my life. Is that a good comparison? I wish I could turn my worries on and off like my buddy list. Bassie, I just hope that you don't lose yourself in this imagined sadness, because I love you and it's so much more than the hurt and loneliness you feel.

I lOVE you! I want to protect you and take care of you! I think this is how a moom must feel, and since I'll never be one of those it's probably good that this is how I feel for you. Be OK. Be strong. You are a star and you shine in the night, puppy!