11.21.01 - 11:49 a.m.

Last night as I was waiting for Kerry in our usual spot (the Atlas statue at Rockefeller Center), I was approached by a reporter from Milwaukee. He was in town to ask New Yorkers their feelings on the holiday - whether they're feeling different, more into it, inappropriate, whatever. I hadn't really thought about my feelings this year as opposed to any other, but once I thought about it, I realized how much this holiday season is striking a chord. And I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

I've felt so rootless and homeless for the past few months that I'm craving this tradition, this sense of everything being familiar and things planned out. I find myself looking forward to the tree-lighting at Rockefeller next Wednesday - something I never cared about before - I'm cooking the whole-hog Thanksgiving dinner, for pete's sake! I challenge anyone to tell me there's not one little teeny part of them that completely loves the Christmas season, not one small thing about it that makes you happy, but wow. I just really need it this year.

So many of my so-called 'holiday' entries (look Dan, single quotation marks) revolve around how my family is so dysfunctional and how we never have the picture-perfect get-togethers everyone else does. And to some extent that's true for Thanksgiving and Christmas too. But today I'm simply going to write about what I'm thankful for, and maybe when I'm done I'll actually email it to some of the people I love.

Obviously, number one is my family, friends and cats. (Technically, that's numbers one, two and three, but it's MY list. So there.) I am thankful for the years I spent with Kodi and the good life he lived and knowing that he was loved so, so much. And now my eyes are tearing up at work, oh, this is not good. I am thankful that my family supports me even though I continue to be a financial failure, I am thankful for my wonderful apartment and the friends I get to share it with. Real friends I can live with happily and who watch Buffy with me. I am thankful for successfully making the move to New York City, where I can reconnect with old friends, my best friends, and realize that I don't have to push everyone away. To have Rob and Courtney and so many others back in my life is amazing and a gift.

I am thankful for my grad school friends like Erin and Andrew, who I will try my hardest NOT to let go like I have so many others, and yes, I'm thankful for Medill in general for giving me some perspective, for getting me the few interviews I've had, and for giving me a chance to spend a wonderful year in the most wonderful city, Chicago. I'm thankful to Chicago for just being Chicago and giving me such great times.

I am thankful because no matter how long I have to temp and how bad it seems to be for me, I know it could be so much worse and is for so many others. I am still relatively blessed (and eating free food at the moment!) and, as the Target commercials say, living a charmed, charming life.

And of course, I am so so thankful for my Dan, my love, and to the cosmos for bringing us together in such an unbelievable way. Thank you for making me be a better person, sweetheart, and for allowing me to fall more in love with you every day. I am the luckiest.