03.07.02 - 2:56 p.m.

Honey, it DOES matter. It matters all the time. I need to hear those words from you, no matter how inconsequential or trite they may seem, because they're not to me. They are very incredibly important and they help me through every day.

I know I'm a huge looney bin. I know I'm completely overemotional and irrational and it's probably too late to change a lot of that but you should not worry about any of it being caused by you.

But it's getting harder and harder for me to keep putting things off with thoughts of the future, since I'm starting to doubt my eventual success in any arena. I need things now, not primers for how good things are going to be, because I have so very little to keep me going from day to day.

And that's why I needed this vacation. I'm not saying my friends aren't important to me, because they are, but it's just a different mentality.

And we won't be spending that many holidays in western PA if I can help it. Except maybe to see the cat.