07.01.02 - 11:23 a.m.

Dude. This is how much people don't like Buffy. MSN runs an article on how the musical was left off the Emmy ballots, and I can't tell if they THOUGHT it was Sarah Michelle or not, but the picture accompanying the story is of Anya. Emma Caulfield. Not Buffy. Now Emma did a fine, fine job in the musical episode and her voice was a hell of a lot better than Sarah's (no offense, SMG!), but I'm just saying. They probably just saw a still of a blonde and stuck 'er up on the page. Me and my Buffy conspiracy theories.

Something CubeGirl wrote this weekend stuck with me. Everywhere else is not New York and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I feel New York is something I should be doing, something I have to prove, and after that I'd be perfectly content to live on the Other Side of the Hudson for the rest of my life. I really like this side of the river, where I am now, if I could keep my car and live a happy domestic life. And I don't mind working on this side of the river, it's just that I feel I'm copping out, I couldn't hack it and this is some precursor.

To the wild spontaneous life that I'm not getting with my bus schedule restrictions and that I'll probably never have. But I've felt rootless and temporary for as long as I can remember. Probably some lurking effect of the divorce and oh, we're moving? Where's Greensburg? We moved roughly every three years for the first ten years of my life, not army brat status by any means, but it just makes me feel like packing it all up is normal. So I'm always thinking What's next? What's next? What's next?

And part of me just wants to STOP. And part of me is obsessed with finding the perfect place, the place where I can be-

Fruit Bat! He won the World Cup. And I didn't even know he was still around until I saw his fruit batty face on the front page of the sports section yesterday. Oh, Fruit Bat. Was it really that long ago that I first saw your awesomely captioned photo in Maxim?

I wonder if people can see my relationship issues in this diary as clearly as I can see others. For instance, there are certain people whose breakups I could foresee, whose power struggles I can find between the lines, not naming names but it's just easier to spot the problems from a distance. I don't even know what my issues are or if I have them yet, now, whatever, but if someone else can see them coming before I can, please let me know. I'd rather know.

And I did not know till this morning that Rosemary Clooney sang "Mambo Italiano!" The things you learn.