09.09.02 - 9:10 p.m.

Kerry and I had an important revelation this weekend: earlier this year on Movie House (that stupid MTV show that replaced/was after The Osbournes) Ben Affleck was doing a Q&A and mentioned something about being "an ass man." Well. Who's he dating right now? The ass to beat all asses. The biggest ass of all time. Say what you want about the man, Mr. Affleck did not lie.

I'm tired. Tired of looking for apartments, tired of apartments being ratholes with bad paint jobs and no laundry. We should just suck up the money and take the only one I've liked, cause Sunglasses Realtor Woman probably won't wait much longer and I know I can be happy there. But I keep thinking I'll find the deal of the century. Which in Bergen County does not exist. So I should start preparing for the cash suck now.

I'm just tired. My eyes ache. The computer screen isn't helping. And there's a sign on the work refrigerator asking us to wear red, white and blue on Wednesday. I don't want to - it wasn't in my plan to do anything special except maybe come to work a little early to avoid the GWB. It won't make me feel any better and quite frankly, I'd feel like a tool if I did come up with some extra-American patriotic ensemble. I don't want to call any attention to any of the facts on Wednesday. I don't want to deal with it, I don't want my coworkers to think me unpatriotic but it just makes me chafe to put on some stupid flag shirt to make THEM feel some sort of solidarity. Fuck it. FUCK it, I am wasting too much time thinking about this. Everyone deals in their own way, and mine is through complete avoidance. I want it to be just another day.

Nick Carter! WHY? Why are you even trying for a solo career? And shut up with the national anthem, already! I think AJ the faux American Idol vampire did a better job than you. Your voice is flatter than (insert crude flat-breasted woman joke that Dan and I couldn't come up with) and you're EYE-FUCKING the audience. During the national anthem, man! Talk about unpatriotic! Gah!