04.10.03 - 7:04 p.m.

Yeah. Kind of stressful day at work. Stressful because I had to find the right fabrics to put on the GODDAMN BULLETIN BOARD. This thing is taking over my life. Why not just buy the damn comforter and stick it up on the fucking wall?

So I am having crackers and cheese and a smoothie for dinner.

And instead of filling out the entire survey that Heather and Dan did, since I've answered most of the questions before, I just did a few of the ones that made me think twice.

Without further ado:

DO
.... you think about suicide = yes. But never seriously enough to do something about it, more in terms of how it would affect others in my life. Also, I've never been able to come up with a method I would be comfortable with carrying out. Dorothy Parker was right.

.... you want more tattoos = I want the Matisse fish from "Goldfish and Palette," which I've wanted ever since I had to adapt an existing artwork for a tattoo for one of my art classes. Unfortunately, the most logical place for it is the small of my back. Where I already have a tattoo, and I don't really want to clutter it up down there. I'd also been toying with putting the Pisces symbol on my foot, so lately I've been thinking about putting the fish down there instead. But I don't really like having my tattoos out in the open. I like having them as secret birthmarks.

.... you like cleaning = YES. Oh lord, yes. Not the actual scrubbing so much as keeping things in order. As Wadsworth the butler once said, "I like to keep things tidy."

WHAT
.... shoes do you wear = ok. (deep breath) This is the complete list.
beige suede Kenneth Cole stiletto boots
black Kenneth Cole pointy-toe boots (a.k.a. rock-star boots)
black suede Joan & David square-toe boots
black knee-high square-toe Nine West leather boots
black knee-high square-toe Nine West nylon fabric boots
black mid-calf pointy-toe Kenneth Cole leather boots with silver buckles
black Kenneth Cole "Pump Fiction" heels
black Ralph Lauren crocodile pumps
black David Aaron Prada-esque buckled kitten heels
brown Banana Republic retro round-toe slingbacks
brown Banana Republic mary jane kitten heels
beige Italian suitcase leather square toe heels
black square-toe mules (also Italian? unsure!)
black Joan & David patent-leather chunky ballet flats
red Kenneth Cole loafers
black DKNY loafers (resoled twice)
black Joan & David spectator mary jane heels
brown Simple slipper shoes
blue New Balance with orange detailing
blue and grey Diesel velcro trainers
old black boots of Canadian origin
orange striped Gap flip flops
multicolored striped Gap flip flops
navy Gap flip flops
black suede and straw Gap flip flops
black flowered Esprit flip flops
black sequined Nine West flip flops
red Interlochen clogs
white Dr. Scholls clogs
brown Italian leather clogs
beige David Aaron pointy stiletto mules
green Banana Republic open toe python mules
navy and ivory Ann Taylor open toe mules
brown Ann Taylor open toe mules
black Esprit slides with flower embroidery
grey Naf Naf strappy slides
black Nine West strappy sandal heels
black and orange Banana Republic heels with grommets
beige Nine West ballet slides
2 pair orange Converse low-tops
brown suede J.Crew espadrilles

And yes, I wear all of them, except for one of the pairs of Converse, which I keep around for sentimental value. (and by the way, I listed all but four pairs from memory. I AM A SAD, SAD INDIVIDUAL.)

.... are you scared of = Iately, every time I cross a bridge, I think about how quickly I could open the window if my car were suddenly careening through the air toward the water. I'm always scared that my house will catch fire, but escaping from a collapsing bridge is my current irrational fear.

NUMBER
.... of guys I have kissed = um, a lot. I am a kissing fool, or I was before I went off the market. I actually felt bad when I read Heather's total because, wow, I've kissed a lot more. And I thought my number was normal, but maybe it's high? I don't think I've hit triple digits yet, but it's definitely in the upper region of the doubles. I'm not sure I should try and count.

.... of girls I have kissed = (equal opportunity since I answered the last question) no tongue involved, but about four. There were a few games of Spin the Bottle, so probably Beth, Cyndi and Stephie, and for some reason my high school friend Deb and I used to kiss hello and goodbye a lot.