05.14.03 - 5:53 p.m.

Goldfish crackers are indeed the snack that smiles back.

I am so frustrated at the lack of quality coming from my TV screen lately. Buffy is beyond help, Ed brought itself out of a nosedive but is returning to its icky Wednesday slot next fall, stupid Jenna won Survivor...and last night's Gilmore Girls made me want to throw things. Or fast-forward through the entire episode.

Gilmore viewers aren't that dumb - we have to keep up with the Palladinos' pop-cult references every week, don't we? So why did we have to sit through the ENTIRE FREAKING pilot episode of Jess's Stupid Spinoff? Yes, yes, we GET IT - he's in California, living with Dolty McMelrosePlace. A five-minute establishing scene would have done the trick.

Instead, we get nearly half the episode devoted to the Rebel without a Clue and his new dysfunctional family, when there's so much unfinished business to attend to back in Stars Hollow. You know, where the Gilmore Girls live? The namesakes of the show?

For instance, there's the financial aid question. It's a plot contrivance, yes, but still a very important issue. Will Rory have to live at home and forfeit paying room and board? Will Lorelai have to give up on buying the Dragonfly Inn? Will she be too stubborn to go back to Emily and Richard and beg Michel for money instead? Will she be forced to sling hash and sell her body to Luke? Hey, it could happen, and maybe we'd get to see a little more of the dilemma rather than glossing it over and squishing it into the Big Graduation Episode.

Yes, graduation. Meaning we might not see some of these characters again after these two episodes. Shouldn't we have some quality time with them before that happens? Where are Louise and Madeline going to school? When did the prom happen? Did Lane and Dave go? We didn't see Dean at all, for cripes' sake! He's not Young MacGyver YET!

Oh, and we could have done without the whole Miss Celine thing too. Another five minutes wasted.