01.06.04 - 9:06 p.m.

The problem is, I'm not a go-getter. At heart, I'm a lazy social phobic who would prefer for others to leave her alone and let her do her work in silence. When said work requires cold calls and gumption and all those other scary motivating words, I freeze, whimper silently and ignore my duties for as long as possible.

This may account for why I do not yet have a new job. Trying to sell myself is not an easy task. It was so much better in school, when I automatically got a new goal every six months or so, when people would just give me a whole sheet of assignments that I would dutifully complete and then move on. I see the appeal of the perpetual student, but then I also see the unending loans and continual poverty and am thankful for my meager paycheck.

Said paycheck can buy me things like my pretty, pretty computer stuff, though. Have I mentioned lately how nice my new OS X is? I will change my tune soon enough, when programs start crashing, when I can't use my old CD burner correctly (haven't tried that yet) or when things just start going generally haywire. Computers, like a clean house or an unbalanced checkbook, have a tendency to fall into chaos.

Culinary update: risotto and vanilla souffle were made over the past two days.

And there is more work drama, but I have decided that maybe I should stop talking about how much I hate everyone on here lest it be revealed to the public one day. Oh, hell. That's not incriminating at all. I had a dream last night that the EIC got an invitation to some premiere party or press event, and decided to send the new guy to cover the celebrities instead of me. When I protested, she said that the answers celebs gave me to my questions were pat and that she was looking for some fresh ideas.

When I looked through my stack of magazines today at work, not only did I find a Q&A with one of the male celebrities who had appeared in my dream, but an entire quote roundup in People featuring the very question I was asking in the dream as well. What does it mean? I had a dream a few weeks ago that one of my coworkers was fired -- something this coworker has been actually wanting -- and now this? Am I pessimistically psychic? Perhaps I should start dreaming about a job I'd actually like for a change.