03.23.01 - 10:49 a.m.

Well...I am in New Jersey. And it must be somewhat therapeutic because I was finally able to cry last night. All the pain and worry I was feeling at 2 in the morning are gone now that it's brilliantly sunny and I can walk around without 10 layers of hats and scarves and whatnot. But I'm still worried about my sister and why won't she call me back ever? (Bassett, this is not meant as a guilt trip. What is wrong with you? I haven't talked to you in more than a week, Moom says you have purple splotches on your legs and last night I had a dream that you were getting married - but that was probably related to me seeing Meet the Parents a few nights ago.)

And I miss Jason. That at least has become clear on this trip. No more Gay Best Friend obsession syndrome, he really has become like a gay best friend to me now, we even sleep in the same bed and I have no compulsion to roll over in the middle of the night and attack him. This is, to say the least, astounding and a complete relief. Since he is moving to New Orleans in the fall and now I more than ever want to stay in Chicago. I bought a vintage Pirates shirt in Philly yesterday just because I knew he'd love it. Well, and the second Belly album and a Promise Ring album too, but those were solely for my benefit as I don't think he's a raging Tanya Donnelly nostalgic like me.